The 2017 Spank Bank Award Winners Are Announced

The 2017 Spank Bank Award Winners Are Announced

The 7th annual Spank Bank Awards proudly presented by IAFD.com were held LIVE over the weekend from their traditional locale of the lavishly furnished man cave in the palatial estate of Spank Bank Awards founder Gabriel Lan in the suburbs of warm, sunny Nowhere Special, USA. Once again, there was a record number of pornstars receiving a record number of nominations for awards they all truly deserve. Porn. The only ‘sport’ where every participant deserves an award, or at the very least, some sort of accolades and recognition.

As is also now traditional, a copious amount of previously unannounced Technical Category awards was handed out during the pre-show in the red carpet / patio / deck area earlier in the evening before it was time for the main event.

Gabriel Lan opened the festivities by welcoming everyone in attendance, singling out his date for the evening, the beautiful Lisey Sweet before introducing the lovely, talented, and outright hilarious Missy Martinez, who took over hosting duties this year, and has subsequently been given the job for as long as she likes. After roasting both herself and virtually everyone in attendance in her opening monologue with her own unique brand of humor, Missy got right to business, calling for awards show trophy girl Charlotte Sartre to bring out the first three awards. Fellow trophy girl Ryan Riesling promptly stuffed a trophy into each of Charlotte’s orifices and she them all carried to the podium with ease, along with a fourth trophy which she carried by hand just for good measure. Showing off her own multitasking and supreme ho holes abilities, Ms. Martinez later brought five awards to the stage at once, adopting the same one trophy per orifice method while carrying one trophy in each hand.

Follow the announcement of the show’s final award of the night (the Dirty Little Slut of the Year), Missy invited everyone in the backyard. Once there, Missy got onto all fours so Charlotte could light and shoot fireworks out of her ass while Ryan fed her mozzarella cheese sticks to kick off the after show awards party.

Ninety plus Major Category award winners, filled with some expected wins and a few surprises (along with who knows what else) continued to build until the time came for the awarding of the “unholy trinity” of porn awards: Sexiest Woman Alive, Most Spanked To Girl of the Year, and the Dirty Little Slut of the Year to close out the show. So, without further ado, here is the list of this year’s winners:

*Note: Spank Bank Awards are voted on by a panel of porn critics (me), noted adult film connoisseurs (me), outside adult industry media insiders (me), x-rated film fans (also me), and a committee chairman (you guessed it: me). Nominees who entice or influence the panel with any form of ‘sweet talking’, ‘sexual innuendo’, ‘buttering up’, or outright eluding to sexual favors greatly increase their chances of winning.*

The Winners

Airtight Angel of the Year

America’s Porn Sweetheart

Amazing Asshole of the Year (in the Best kind of way)

ATM Machine

Bad Ass Brunette of the Year

Baroness of Licking Lady Ass

BBC Slut of the Year

Best All Around Porn Goddess

Best Body Built For Sin

Best ‘Come Fuck Me’ Eyes

Best DSL (Dick Sucking Lips)

Best ‘Just Got Fucked’ Hair

Best Legs

Best ‘O’ Face

Best ‘Resting Bitch’ Face

Best Smile

Best Spitter

Best Swallower

Bionic Butthole

Blonde Babe of the Year

Bondage Artiste of the Year

Boobalicious Babe of the Year

Born To Hand Job

Cocksucker of the Year

Contessa of Cum

Countess of Contortionism

Creampied Cutie of the Year

Cuckold Connoisseur of the Year

Cumback of the Year

Customs Specialist of the Year

Deepest Throat

Dick of the Year

Dirty Little Slut of the Year

DP Dynamo of the Year

Empress of Nipple Paradise

Excellence in ‘Lawn’ Maintenance (aka Best Groomed Bush)

Excellence in the Creation of Smut (aka Director of the Year)

Facial Cum Target of the Year

Fetish Virtuoso of the Year

Fun Sized Fuck Toy

Gangbanged Girl of the Year

Gloryhole Guru of the Year

Hardest Working Ho in Ho Biz

Imported Enchantress of the Year

Instagram Girl of the Year

Life Sized Human Hand Puppet (aka Best Fistee)

Masturbator of the Year

Mattress Actress of the Year

Most Adorable Slut

Most Awe Inspiring Gape

Most Beautiful Seductress

Most Comprehensive Utilization of All Orifices

Most Energetic Fuck Bunny

Most Fuckable Feet

Most Luscious Labia

Most Photogenic Nymphomaniac

Most Spanked To Girl of the Year

Most Talented Tongue (Best Girl/Girl Kisser of the Year)

Most Underrated Slut

Most Volumptous Vixen

My (Wet) Dream Girl

Natural Born Cock Killer

Newcummer of the Year

PAWG of the Year

Porn’s Next Superstar

Prettiest Girl In Porn

Prettiest Whore Mouth

Pretty In Pink (aka Prettiest Pussy)

Production Studio of the Year

Puppeteer of the Year (aka Best Hands/Fister)

Pussy of the Year

Queen of Cunnilingus (Girl/Girl Star of the Year)

Ravishing Redhead of the Year

Red Bottomed Babe of the Year

Servile Sub of the Year

Sexiest Woman Alive

Sharing Is Caring (Cumswapping Cutie of the Year)

Smooth As Silk (aka Best Bald Beaver)

Snapchat Sweetheart of the Year

Sovereign Dom of the Year

Super Squirter of the Year

Supreme Majesty of the Stripper Pole

Tattooed Temptress of the Year

The Dirtiest Player in the Game

The Girl Next Door…. Only Better

The Total Package

Tightest Twat

Tortured Fuck Doll of the Year

Tweeting Twat of the Year

Two Hot Dogs in a Hallway

Webcam / Skype Show Girl of the Year

Website of the Year

Click here for the full list

 

3 Responses to "The 2017 Spank Bank Award Winners Are Announced"

  1. Mark Sr Querl   March 15, 2017 9:40 am at 9:40 AM

    Please can we view all of this?

     
    Reply
  2. Mark Sr Querl   March 15, 2017 9:41 am at 9:41 AM

    Look forward to this.

     
    Reply
  3. Mark Sr Querl   March 15, 2017 9:43 am at 9:43 AM

    Am accepted as a member, hopefully.

     
    Reply

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