(Las Vegas, NV) April 6th, 2015 – Due to the upsetting news that beloved auteur David Lynch has walked away from a deal to revive the television series Twin Peaks, WoodRocket.com would like to present an offer to David Lynch to shoot a Twin Peaks revival for its website.
Dear Mr. David Lynch,
My name is Lee Roy Myers, and I am also a director. I mean, I’m an adult cinema director. But I’m a director nonetheless. Sort of. Anyways, like you, I make movies that people refer to as quirky, disturbing, and funny. I make movies for the website WoodRocket.com, and if you don’t know it, just Google “Gnardians of the Galaxy” or “Guardians of the Galaxy Porn Parody”. In fact, I would say that our movies make Eraserhead look like Grease. Once you show a porn star dressed up like a talking space raccoon having sex with a porn star dressed as a giant wooden penis, people let you know how freaky your stuff is.
But anyways, I hope that this letter finds you well, even after the news that your deal with Showtime in which you would have brought back Twin Peaks is no longer on the table. We are huge fans of both yours and Twin Peaks. So this news makes us sadder than a one-armed man refused entry at One-Eyed Jack’s. This is why we want to make you an offer that even Frank Booth, high as a kite, wouldn’t giggle at. We would like to offer you the opportunity to revive Twin Peaks for WoodRocket.com.
Okay, so we are a porn company. So it would be more of a Twin Peaks porn parody than a continuing on from where Agent Cooper fire walked to. But imagine the possibilities! We could call it Twin Cheeks or Twat Peaks, or even keep the name as is since it is already slang for boobs. And finally, people could see Annie & Cooper actually getting it on. Or we could even dive deeper into the relationship between the Log Lady and her logs. Almost everything is on the table! It’s porn!
Anyways, if this idea appeals to you, please feel free to contact me via WoodRocket.com’s contact page. We can discuss plots & budget & if it makes you more comfortable, we can even drink your coffee and listen to your music.
Thank you for your time. And despite the jokes in this letter (I make hardcore penetration jokes when I’m nervous), I hope that you take this offer seriously.
Lee Roy Myers
The full letter is up on WoodRocket.com, along with the adult parody, Gnardians of the Galaxy, which is free.
WoodRocket.com is your source for free comedy & adult entertainment. With thousands of high quality adult movies like Gnardians of the Galaxy, Bob’s Boners, and Game of Bones, photo galleries like The Royal Tenendongs, and original web series like “James Deen Loves Food”, “Topless Girls Reading Books”, and “Ask a Porn Star”, WoodRocket.com & its content have been featured on Gawker, Gizmodo, The Hollywood Reporter, Jezebel, Esquire, Bon Appetit, Vice, Fleshbot, and more. WoodRocket even found its Game of Bones and The Knobbit Parodies as trivia questions on the highly acclaimed Comedy Central show, @Midnight.