I am Nica Noelle. I have been an adult film director in multiple genres since 2006. I write a blog at the Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/author/nica-noelle and I have been a journalist for twenty years, writing on a variety of topics for numerous magazines and websites. In the time since I started working as a director, I have been credited with reviving “couples porn” and “porn for women” via my award winning studios Sweetheart Video and Sweet Sinner Films, and, most recently my gay studio, Icon Male. Here are some write ups by ABC News and Daily Mail about my work. I was also mentioned on Dr. Drew as being an influential female director in porn.
I have made it my career’s mission to fight the stigma associated with casting gay, queer and ‘crossover’ performers in mainstream porn films, by consistently casting them in leading roles. I have openly spoken out and fought against racism in porn, refusing to label my movies “interracial” when they feature black performers, and by writing about the issue on high-traffic adult film websites. The thing that means the most to me is being an ethical and principled director, and standing up for what is right on behalf of performers. I am not only a director; I was also a performer myself for many years.
Zachary Sire, through his blog Str8UpGayPorn, has made my life hell since early 2015. I was told he disliked me because I was a “straight female director” and because I had been in a relationship with a retired gay porn star. But our paths did not have occasion to cross until the day he had an opportunity to turn a misunderstanding between a model and I into what is now a years-long campaign of harassment. That harassment has resulted in public scorn, damaged relationships, humiliation, and death threats from gay porn fans.
In January 2015, my daughter, who is autistic, was hospitalized and placed in intensive care. She would remain hospitalized for four months. As the breadwinner of the family, and a director who is paid “by the movie,” I had no choice but to continue working during my child’s hospitalization. However, I was not on set much during the first month she was hospitalized, and the performers were not given an explanation for my absence. For a few scenes I let my assistant and director of photographer shoot without me so I could be home with my family and be available to talk to my daughter’s doctors on the phone.
As a result, the models thought I was simply choosing not to come to set, and instead stay home while they struggled through their scenes without me.
This misunderstanding grew into resentment, and ultimately resulted in a “text argument” between me and two of the models after the shoot had ended. One of those models, who would later publicly apologize in a vlog and confess that he had been “trying to sabotage my name” (we have long since made amends and continue to work together monthly) made Sire aware that there was an issue between us. Sire was thrilled. He began posting blog after blog about what a monster I was, without having investigated the situation at all. I wasn’t sure how to defend myself, and neither was my studio. My studio, however, conducted an exhaustive internal investigation to find out if anyone had been mistreated on set.
All the models present for the shoot, along with the Icon Male staff, were questioned and interviewed. Everyone maintained that nothing out of the ordinary had happened, that everyone seemed fine from the beginning to end. After the models and I had cleared up the misunderstanding and I disclosed my reason for not being on set, I made an effort to defend them publicly. Sire was harassing one of the models that had apologized to me, so I explained to him that the misunderstanding was due to the fact that I hadn’t been on set because my child was hospitalized. Delighted to have more information he could use against me, Sire posted a new front page blog with the headline that I was blaming my ‘dying daughter’ for my “behavior.”
His decision to publicly characterize my hospitalized daughter as “dying” made my entire family enraged. It was all I could do to calm her father down and tell him it would pass – but I was wrong. Month after month, there seemed to be no end to Zach’s harassment. Every tweet I wrote, every interaction I had, was twisted into another “story” about what a monster I was. I was also harassed and “mobbed” on my social media accounts by Zach’s multiple “fake” profiles on a daily basis.
Many models I worked with were stunned and wanted to speak out but were terrified of being Sire’s next target. One performer, Brendan Patrick, wrote this public blog in our defense:
But it didn’t matter how many performers supported us or challenged Sire’s depiction of me – Sire ignored them all. With his relentless daily harassment of me and anyone who publicly supported me, Zach created a climate in which it became impossible for me to function. I could no longer set any boundaries or rules or even say “no” to a model, for fear of the model running to Zach so he could turn it into another headline. Sire made it clear that any model willing to trash me would receive glowing praise, protection, and publicity from him and his blog.
Conversely,models who said positive things about me were told that he would not give them any publicity while they were shooting for Icon Male, and he would not post any photos taken by our photographer. I was told by many industry people, including my parent studio, to fight fire with fire and give Zach a taste of his own medicine. I was told to post blogs of my own, targeting him. I tried to do this, but it made me feel disgusting. I would wake up in the morning sick to my stomach. I didn’t want this terrible person to be on my mind 24/7, and I certainly didn’t want to become like him. With my long-time reputation as an ethical, principled director in tatters, I decided the only thing I could do was to leave porn and try to find a healthier environment to live and work in.
Therefore, I studied for my real estate exam and took the test. After passing, I was hired by a local brokerage. I created a twitter account under my real name and didn’t “follow” anyone from the adult film world. However, a personal friend who had once worked as a PA for me accidentally RT’d one of my real estate tweets.
Despite the fact that I immediately told her to delete it, it was too late. Zach had gotten wind of it and decided it would be great if he could ruin my real estate career as well.
Zach immediately posted about my new job, complete with my real name and links to my real estate company.
In Sire’s “story” about my new career, he wrote that in no time I would probably be shooting porn in my listings. I was terrified of my real estate company being targeted by Zach Sire and his readers. So, I quit my new job, without offering my new employer any explanation. I then deleted all of my social media, declined all interviews, stopped promoting my films, and went into a deep depression for more than six months. I was afraid to apply for non-industry work for fear of Zach “outing” me, but I needed the money after having given up one of my titles in order to pursue a new career. One that Sire had now made it impossible for me to pursue.
As a direct result of Sire’s blog posts, I began receiving death threats from a gay porn fan who made it clear that he knew where I worked and my legal name now, and that he would soon be coming to Massachusetts to “put a bullet in you and your son’s heads.” I reported the threats to the police and went to court in an effort to protect myself and my family. I presented the judge with numerous exhibits of Zachary Sire’s blog, and posts where he encouraged gay porn fans to target and harass me, along with the half dozen death threats I’d received. The Judge looked at my exhibits and immediately sealed my file and granted me what legal protections she could under Massachusetts Law.
In March 2017, after more than half a year off of social media, and after losing all of my followers (most fans thought I had retired) I have restarted my twitter account. But I have remained hesitant to post anything about my gay studio or to openly promote my movies. Zach has made several recent attempts to let me know he’s planning to target me again – he has been re-running his old blogs about me, and posting illegal images taken from a cam show for which there were no 2257 documents and was posted on a friend’s paysite by mistake.
During the time Zach has been targeting me, I have also seen him degrade and harass other performers who didn’t deserve it: Billy Santoro, Vadim Black, JD Phoenix, Killian James, Trent Ferris, Hugh Hunter, Theo Ford, to name a few. I have seen him harass models who were struggling with drug problems or prior arrests, and use those struggles to humiliate them for his audience’s entertainment. One performer, whom he body-shamed, threatened, and humiliated daily, became dangerously thin as a result of the harassment. Sire was encouraged by the performer’s vulnerability to the attacks, and tweeted to him, “why don’t you just kill yourself and get it over with?”
Our industry is small, and many performers have told me that they are petrified of Zach and his blog. They know he is very connected to Cockyboys, and that Cockyboys is the one studio he will not badmouth or attack. As a result. Cockyboys enjoys a kind of exalted status. (Zach’s partner and owner of his blog, David Dixon, is Cockyboys PR person. ) Performers are afraid that if they are on Zach’s bad side that not only will they have to endure constant public humiliation, but that Cockyboys will not hire them as a model. For many young, vulnerable men in the industry, standing up to Zach Sire is too fraught with risk and offers little reward.
I know that those outside of the adult industry, or even outside of the gay porn genre, have no idea of these matters and really have little idea who Zach Sire is. They only know that he has a “popular” blog that gets a lot of web hits – they don’t stop to ask why that might be. They don’t know that he’s made his name and gotten those hits by attacking, targeting and relentlessly bullying young gay men, and female directors, month after month, year after year. They don’t know that he’s ruined careers and reputations and endangered lives. They don’t know that he’s encouraged gay men who are struggling with drug addiction to “kill themselves.”
They don’t know that he’s ridiculed trans people and made regular transphobic slurs, and that he’s publicly attacked gay men who choose to work with
But they should know. And they should investigate on their own to see if this is really the type of person they want to be professionally associated with. I can only hope the answer will be no, and that anyone who is associated with this show will join the fight to stand up against an anti-industry cyber-bully. Yes, dirt sells, and yes Zach’s propensity for humiliating gay men has made his blog popular with those who like to make fun of and degrade industry workers. But the industry should not support or reward someone who has ruined others’ lives to line his own pockets.
We are asking you to do the right thing and help us to make our industry a safer place.