ix months after publishing a scientific paper analyzing the results of his worldwide Vaginal Beauty Contest, Autoblow 2 inventor Brian Sloan has released The Balls Paper, shedding light onto a previously unstudied topic. The Autoblow Balls Beauty Contest fielded over 1000 entries from 35 countries giving an anonymous PhD statistician plenty of data to work with.

Whereas the Vulva Paper’s analysis of the Vagina Contest’s data found clear vulva style preferences that held true across most of the world, the Balls Paper found the voting public gave nearly all scrotums low and similar scores, regardless of scrotal appearance. Sloan still intends on keeping his end of the bargain, awarding $10,000 of prize money and having the top 3 rated scrotums 3d scanned and turned into items of home décor. The marketability of those items though, is now seriously in question.

The statistician hired to evaluate the data found there were 6 distinct scrotal styles based on how empty or full the scrotum appeared, the ratio of its width and height, and how similar the testicles were to one another. Unexpected facts emerged during the data analysis including: