Dear Adrianne,

Where to begin, where to begin. Well, first off – congratulations! You are a bona fide celebrity with that tongue of yours, and I personally wish you all the best in attempting to gain the world record for longest tongue. You truly are a spectacular human being with an even more spectacular appendage.

Your story has come to my attention several times within the last few days, and the more people that share this with me, the more I become interested on how we can work together to benefit the both of us.

Now, I know getting an open letter like this from the worlds largest adult entertainment company can be intimidating. I’ll make this simple: you have a talent, and you are owning it. But why not consider bringing it to a whole new field of work?

I’d like to formally offer you a chance to shoot adult content with BRAZZERS.COM. Pending your approval, we can work with you to create your first ever porn scene – you can even set the terms of the shoot (if you only want to work with girls, we will give you the best).

This will undoubtedly make your boyfriend feel uncomfortable, as he has stated he wishes to “fight the internet” based on comments users have made.

To soothe his worries, we are fully prepared to offer him a free yearlong membership.

Together, we can conquer the adult world. You know how to reach us.

Mario Nardstein,

Director of Brazzers BRAZZERS

P.S. None of this is intended as tongue-in-cheek. Unless you want it to be.