1. Say “You don’t look like a lesbian.”

Really? I’m sorry, I totally forgot to pack my lumberjack boots and tool belt while backpacking Europe. Wait, what exactly does a lesbian look like? I’m feeling generous, so I’ll try to spin this extremely offensive comment into a teachable moment.

Lesbians, and all queer people, come from all walks of life. There is incredible diversity in our community and it’s something we pride ourselves in. Yes, we have butch and femme women, but we also have a whole host of identities in between those two, as well as a wide variety of personal styles and visual appearances.

2. Ask us to “prove it.”

This one usually comes from THAT guy. You know, the brah who’s slightly intoxicated and thinks his stunning wit will make your pants fall off. SPOILER: That never happens. When he’s posing this request he thinks he’s being cute or clever, but honestly we’ve heard this a million times and it’s getting tired and old.

What he’s really saying is that we can’t possibly be authentic in our identity, because the only way he can rationalize our deviant sexuality is if he can eroticize us and use us for his own pleasure. Newsflash, brah: We don’t exist for the pleasure of men.

3. Inform us that you “knew a lesbian once” and we should take her number.

Our community is small, but not that small…wait…is she cute?

4. Tell us how much more attractive we’d be if we’d just…

I get that you think you’re being helpful. While I appreciate that you’re concerned about me enough to want to “help” me, this kind of critique is just not needed. I am who I am and I don’t need you to “fix” me. I choose how I dress to reflect how I want to be seen, regardless of what label you affix to my appearance. It’s mine and not for you to comment on.

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