Navigating The Online Adult Industry, part 2

Oct 19, 2011
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Another great post from Julie Meadows

Watching online adult industry issues unfold in real time is interesting, to say the least. Right now I’m watching someone accuse me of being a “pure user” and “coercive” abuser, even though I haven’t spoken to this person in well over a month and have not mentioned her name online at all since returning to this blog to write. And I won’t mention her name because I don’t think I deserve to be treated badly and slandered just because I won’t jump into the middle of what appears to be a two-person dispute that has nothing to do with me.

How am I a “pure user?” Because I invited this person to drink wine with me and chat about life? Because I worked with Michael Whiteacre and asked her if she wanted to offer her own thoughts and feelings–for free, and out of good conscience–about her view of Shelley Lubben and pornography, as a result of what are blanket lies made by Shelley Lubben? Because I… used her… to… abuse my phone… by calling and texting her repeatedly after Darrah Ford told me she was tweeting about suicide? I bugged her for two days because she was talking about suicide. And then days later my banner was down from her site and a video was posted thanking a list of people for helping her and caring for her. Was I listed among those people? No. Shelley Lubben was, though. Did I say anything bad about her and drag her name through the mud over the internet even though I was deeply bruised by that? No. In fact, when asked what I thought about her “heel turn” towards Lubben, I said this:

“[T]hat’s tough for me because I know her, or at least know her to an extent. I can’t say anything bad about her because she was always a good friend to me. I think she feels she’s doing what she needs to do, but I can’t say that I completely understand the sudden affiliation with [Lubben].

Personally, my life has become much brighter not paying attention to it all. I hold no grudges towards xxxxxx and I hope she gets past the harassment she’s suffered. It’s bizarre what these people have done to her, but she did engage them. It’s just hard to figure. On the one hand you don’t want someone you care about giving too much energy to ill-intentioned people, but on the other hand that’s how people like that eventually eat their karma. They bully someone who gets too angry to back down.”

She thanked me for that. Later.

I don’t like lies being spread about me. I don’t think it’s right or fair, considering that the only reason I don’t jump in is because this dispute is none of my business. It’s not my place to speculate on someone’s child-rearing abilities or attack them without proof to back my attacks. I’m disappointed to see it all come to this. I don’t betray the people I care about, and I’m not going to start. I will defend myself, I will point out what’s true, but I will not get drug into a childish game of name-calling and lying. I don’t tweet things and then delete them later because I don’t enjoy saying and doing things half-cocked. I used to drink and write morbid things, but I quit because it’s not healthy. It doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

Yes, I’m a housewife, but I’m not a “bored housewife”. I do plenty of things that make me happy. Writing, knitting, web design… I’m not bored, but I am a housewife and I love it. I wish a loving relationship on everyone I know. Even at my worst; my most brazen, when I puff up my chest and get angry at Doug and think to myself, ‘I don’t need anybody!’ I eventually relax and realize that I do. He keeps me even, and I him. We all need people in our lives to point out our junk and reel us in. It is not mature to drop people just because you don’t agree with one or two of their views, or because they are friends and/or cordial with someone you don’t like. It’s also wrong to judge someone’s parenting when you’ve never met them and don’t have kids of your own and then create a website that’s mean and post their picture and leave comments about them in a thread using the name of one of their exes when that person has nothing to do with what’s going on; forcing the website moderator to “x” out that person’s name to protect them. And you know, she makes good points at times, but they get lost in things I can’t comprehend, no matter how I try, and I can’t involve myself in something I don’t understand. I know nothing about Satanism or reptile people or Mammon, so I can’t comment on that stuff. It’s not a good strategy for friendships to attack someone over a couple of things and then antoagonize them until they snap and finally say something mean. I’ve really seen that over the past few months, but unfortunately, to get the whole story via online relationships, you have to watch everything in real time. So much gets deleted and forgotten and swept under the rug, yet it all factors in.

I did not really know what all this online feuding was about until a few months ago and I’m shocked by what I see. Friends one minute, mortal enemies the next. Doesn’t like Lubben, then likes her, then doesn’t, then defends her as she talks about child pornography even though she’s seen Lubben’s child porn flier depicting her own daughter as a victim for a meeting among adults that had nothing to do with child pornography. I’m mortified by the statement that Donny Long was a genius. The endless tweets wishing people lose all their money, calling people “rat face”; ominous tweets about “killing your enemies”… And the implication that she posted a model’s real address on Porn Wiki Leaks!?!?!? Someone she did not know and had no reason to hate or retaliate against! I’m hurt and sad and there’s nothing I can do but defend myself. I’ve done nothing to this person. Nothing. And interestingly enough, I still justify some of the things she does in my mind because I feel like I understand what she’s going through. I’m a pure user? Right now my name is being used to generate hate and attention and sympathy. I’ve. Done. Nothing. And at its core, this all appears to be a way of keeping people from getting too close, which is sad because she is so awesome in so many ways!

Before I run off and vent to Doug and probably cry like a big baby, I’d like to see proof of what I’ve done that is so horrible. Maybe it was promoting her sites and making cartoon pictures of her and giggling about non-porn things. Maybe paying her to be in my film as one of the incredible and exemplary women from the adult industry. Held up as exceptional with the likes of Nina Hartey, Jane Hamilton and Kayden Kross. Oscar Wilde was right. Friends do stab you in the front.

The latest:

“men who stalk/attack single women with limited resources are the weakest most pathetic men in the world.”

“fat bored housewives who have lost their looks & support men who stalk & harass single women deserve to cheated on and to contract an STD.”

“I’m feeling really good today – had an emotional yet empowering conversation last night with a new friend.”

I’m guessing the “fat bored housewife” who has lost her looks and deserves to be cheated on and contract an STD, is me? If anyone is being harassed right now, it is me. I hope this new friendship works out for you. I mean that. Now, this “pure user” has to go back to creating a website for free for someone whom she barely knows because she knows that person is struggling, and then work on more sobriety affirmations because this person is struggling with addiction. Unlike some, I don’t have time to tweet all day about doing meaningful things.

http://www.juliemeadows.com/blog/

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Lydia Lee
Lydia Lee
9 years ago

Thank you. I guess I should have typed out my long-ass comments the the blog over here. I’d like to add that I am far from perfect. I completely retreated from all of this because I was angry and confused about some things and I treated a dear friend very badly. He will never forget it, but I would feel 100 times worse if I had expressed those things in public because my hurt feelings were my issue, not his. I simply had to get some balance back in my life, and so I walked away to sort it out.… Read more »

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