1. Has tattoos. This is especially the case if they’re visible, multiple, large, and elaborate. If they have sexual themes, you’re in like Flynn.

2. Piercings outside of the traditional earlobe placement. Sluttiness increases as you radiate from the lobe, to other parts of the ear, to the nose crumb, to the bull-ring. Other parts of the face—and erogenous zones—speak even louder.

3. Has “slut face.” You either recognize it or you don’t.

4. Cusses a lot. Especially if she uses the words “fuck,” “pussy,” or “cock” outside of the bedroom.

5. Not ticklish. I’ve noticed that girls who aren’t ticklish aren’t so because they’re used to being handled (by men). Almost every prude is super ticklish, while sluts are rarely so. Sluts may have a physical response to light touching, but it’s rarely a tickled sensation.

6. Broaches the topic of illegal drugs (even marijuana) without prompting. The more illegal, the sluttier.

7. Has big tits. They probably came in early, which translates into additional years of male attention.

8. Shows excessive skin for weather conditions. Exposes the midriff, lower back, or ass-piece from the bottom of her daisy-dukes even when it’s not super-hot.

9. Has extra body hair (arms, girl-sideburns, girl-mustache) and/or a low speaking voice. This, I’m told, is simple biology. More hair and low voice equals more testosterone. It’s an imperfect metric, though, because women of certain ethnicities are just more hirsute by default.

10. Associates with confirmed sluts. Her friends are often one of your best weathervanes. Birds of a feather, as they say.

11. Shows interests in girls, has “hooked up” with girls, or claims to be “bi-sexual.” Bi-sexuality has quickly become a stand-in for hyper-sexuality.

12. Is currently, or was at some point, in a sorority. Sororities are little more than pussy buffets for the campus fraternities.

13. Has traveled alone, or with only girls, to fuck-fest locations (e.g., Jamaica). This is often a tell-tale sign of a sex-on-vacation-doesn’t-count case.

14. Was a cheerleader in high school. Cheerleaders have, and exploit, access to the most desirable and horniest dudes at school.

15. Went, or goes, to a known party college (e.g., Arizona State, USC, UC Santa Barbara). Girls are copycats, and when all of her friends “are doing it” (whatever “it” is), they do too. (See No. 10.)

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