We tend to think that only men are willing to pay for sex but in the past decade more and more women have been looking for sexual experiences and have been willing to pay for them.
It is easier and more convenient than going to clubs or bars. Often the women do not want to be found out; they want it to be private and kept a secret.
Some career women with high disposable incomes are just too busy for relationships. Others who have had a break-up or painful divorce find it easier to have sex without strings attached.
The thought of trying to date again and meet somebody new is just too difficult for many – but they miss sex. They may want a sexual massage or just to be touched and be intimate with somebody.
One of my clients told me she answered an advertisement in the paper from “James” who offered erotic massages.
She was very lonely after a relationship break-up; she was tired, had gained weight and lost all her confidence.
She didn’t really know what to expect but was pleasantly surprised. James was a massage therapist who found some women were desperate to have an erotic massage leading to an orgasm, and in a place where they could talk and feel comfortable. He also offers more if a client asks for that.
My client saw him for months and ended up having sex with him. He was wonderful, she said. He gave her back her confidence and she gained more knowledge about her body.
She came to see me because she wanted to tell somebody. Deep down she felt a bit guilty and certainly would not have confided in her girlfriends. In the meantime, she has found a new love interest.
Several agencies cater entirely for women – some are run by women – or cater for women as well as men. Most agencies also cater for home visits; so do most of the escorts who work privately.
When I researched the topic I was told that this type of service gives women options and choices with a professional in a discreet environment.
It is not only single women who are looking for male escorts but also those who are married or in a relationship.
Some women who have an almost sexless marriage will not leave their husbands or partners because their relationships are not that bad and they may have children or be financially unable to leave.
Others simply want an exciting experience in a safe environment. Some women with a disability may choose to pay for sex when they find it difficult to find a partner. Others just need a “date” if they have to go to an important work dinner or a wedding, and do not want to go on their own.
However, society still finds the idea of women paying for sex quite unacceptable. On the other hand, going to a bar, getting drunk and going home with a complete stranger and possibly having unsafe sex, is considered OK.
There is also the fact that most people have had little sex education and few are taught how to have good, interesting or exciting sex.
Some women who have been in a long relationship may wonder what it is like with somebody else, especially a man who specialises in being a good lover.
Another interesting phenomenon in the past few years is the trend towards global female sex tourism – or romance travel. Men have been travelling for sex holidays mainly to Asia but wealthy, single older women travel all over the world now, to holiday destinations where they find younger men who are happy to give them attention and excitement.
Unfortunately, the women sometimes believe the men are really interested in them and, often without realising it, end up paying for their time together.
Some women even keep sending their “boyfriend” money for urgent expenses when they are back home.
A favourite destination is Bali, where thousands of women from all parts of the world go to find paradise in the arms of the “Kuta cowboys” who have made the island one of the world’s leading destinations for female sex tourists.
The women lavish the local young men with money and gifts who in turn are eager to provide sex.
Then we have the “sugar mummy” phenomenon, where a wealthy woman looks for a younger, good-looking, intelligent companion. She is willing to give him a luxury lifestyle, trips, gifts and money and expects good conversation, companionship, fun and sex.
It is not a secret that some men pay for sex, always have and probably always will! So why is paying for sex such a stigma for women? Why can they not have the same freedom as men?
Would you, if you are a woman, pay for sex?
