EVERY morning, a 90-year-old newspaper columnist named Mahinder Watsa takes a seat in the study of his apartment, where, on a good day, a breeze lofts in from the direction of the Arabian Sea.
Before him is a fresh delivery of anonymous correspondence from all over India, some of it handwritten and dropped into a village mailbox, some typed and sent by email. Inside is a crescendo of sexual anxiety.
“My friend saw me while bathing. According to him, the size of my penis is not more than that of a cashew nut. What should I do to increase the size?” “If a man and a woman masturbate at the same time, thinking about sex, can it lead to pregnancy?” “Also, I was wondering whether there is any possibility of a guy getting pregnant if he has anal sex with another man?”
Dr. Watsa does not laugh when he reads these letters, nor does he weep; he has been at this too long. He admits to being irritated from time to time, and this is sometimes evident in his responses, which manage to be both grandfatherly and withering. To wit:
“Take a foot rule and measure from the pubic bone to the tip of your organ. If it’s longer than two and a half inches, it is enough to satisfy a partner.” “There are no angels to carry your sperms to the person you are dreaming about.” “Mr. Ignoramus, for the rest of your query, visit Google and educate yourself on the basics.”