All of Russia’s Sex Geckos Have Died In Space

A TRAGEDY OF GLOBAL PROPORTIONS

All – repeat, ALL – the Geckos that Russian sent into space to root like teens drunk on half a bottle of Passion Pop, have died.

You might recall a little while ago that the Russian space authority had sent a satellite up into orbit with Geckos on board, the scientific purpose of the mission was to gauge the effects of zero gravity on the reproductive system. Then, at some point during the mission, the Russians managed to lose contact with the bright, shooting star of lizard jizz.

The world, quite rightly, was outraged.