Outside of winning multiple awards for my word-smithing, I’m also up to date on the latest edition of the Shelley Lubben Bible or as some call it, The Slubs New testament. Using the dead Slubs sea scrolls Ive translated the following commandments.

1.Thou shalt steal from the elderly.

2. Thou shalt get gangbanged on a picnic table and lie about it.

3. Thou shalt say god cured me of herpes

4. Thou shalt spend anti-porn donations on a date with Ron Jeremy.

5. Thou shalt grind thy vagina on Mr. Marcus.

6. Thou shalt get hopped up on pills and swing a stick widely in thy backyard while mumbling.

7. Thou shalt vandalize the Vivid headquarters

8. Thou shalt commit tax fraud, and then when thy money runs out, shut down thy scam.

9.Thou shalt cheat on thy husband.

It would appear that Lubben has followed her commandments to a T.

Kissing someone that’s not her husband:

Lead to all kinds of different legal proceedings. Divorce being one of them

So much for this: