The World’s Safest Home Safe Has Been Invented And It’s Actually A Giant Sex Toy

Oct 28, 2021
Press Release
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Seattle – With the help of the COVID pandemic, sex toys have become ubiquitous in bedrooms around the world. That provided Brian Sloan, the inventor of the Autoblow, the unexpected opportunity to help people better protect their hard-earned cash and valuables. His newest invention appears to be an ordinary Autoblow A.I. male masturbation device but inside is a hidden cavity designed to be filled with items one wishes to hide from thieves.

The Autoblow Decoy Safe, as its short infomercial suggests, is especially effective against burglars when covered in lubricant and placed amongst a number of other pleasure tools, suggesting a hastily abandoned masturbation session. With Youtube now full of safe cracking instructional videos that show burglars how to enter most popular models of home safes, they are an increasingly less secure place for valuables. The Autoblow Decoy Safe, the world’s first sex toy safe, will provide homeowners additional piece of mind when leaving home at a cost of only $39.

Inventor Brian Sloan said,  “Every time I show my family or friends my new inventions, they are always afraid to touch them, asking first if I’d used them. That gave me the idea that burglars must also have the same natural aversion to handling used sex toys, which I realized could be used against them. Even the most debased burglar probably wouldn’t fiddle with a used Autoblow covered in lubricant. It truly is the safest place on earth to put your valuables.“


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