Introducing The Mike South Hillbilly Mope GPS Tracker

Georgia OSHA Approved!

The other day we ran a story about Georgia amateur pornographer Mike South’s shooting practices.

South later told AVN, “I have an OSHA compliance person on every single one of my sets.”

Then, this happened:

That exchange is from the comments section of South’s site — a conversation between South and adult performer Brooke Tyler. (South later placed all Tyler’s future comments on moderation.)

South states, “remember my guys work ONLY for me, they arent in that porn talent pool being exposed every day every one of my guys has been doing this for a minimum of 3 years some much longer so that long history of negative tests also factors in (for me) because I know these guys and what they do.”

This confused me, so I reached out to a source and asked if they had a Mike South performer contract. A few hours later it appeared in my email inbox with no return address, no IP, and a naked picture of Miley Cyrus.

The contract is 98 pages in length,  I’ve pulled out the sections on performer conduct and workplace standards that prove South is smarter than all of us.

All performers must wear a GPS ankle bracelet at all times. This is for your own protection.

All performers must submit to random Mike South questioning so Mike South can use his special STD ESP to clear you for a shoot.

Performers are not allowed to jack off on any untested females unless it’s on a Mike South set a.k.a. The Embassy Suites – Perimeter Center, and said female has passed Mike South ESP STD testing protocol. 

All performers must refrain from having sex outside of the Mike South studio a.k.a. The Embassy Suites -Perimeter Center.  If you must have sex please make sure you first call the Mike South designated Georgia OSHA employee. At that point you must wait for that employee to arrive at your location. This protects both you and Mike South.

Mike South wants all Mike South’s STD stop-gaps to be strictly adhered to. They are as follows:

1. If you’ve been vouched for by an ESP STD cleared talent or agent,  please only cum in the left eye during the bukkake. This will ensure that, worst case, she’s only partially blind.

2. If you’ve passed the ESP STD test administered by Mike South, you may use the patented pull out and cum on the stomach move. This is for the protection of the performers. According to Mike South sources and anonymous reader emails, NO STD can be contracted using the pull out method.  Unless you live in LA. Then you need condoms…

2a. Remember,  I can look at a vagina and know if you didn’t pull out in time. I’m Mike South, I have magical powers — powers lesser blogs don’t have. Thou shalt have no other bukkake kings before me.

3. Mike South always goes first. Mike South has never flunked the ESP STD test and he never will.

4. Mike South reserves the right to count all male sperm. Mike South will not tolerate any sneaky sperm wasting.  All ejaculation must be accounted for by Mike South or the official Georgia OSHA sperm counter.

This is a lifetime contract, Mike South owns you, your penis, and everything inside. By signing this contract you agree to only have sex in accordance to this contract.  If you can’t write your own name, please use your mark…

As you can see, Mike South is in complete control of his male talent.