Sometimes before I put my little ones to bed, I tell them a story, usually a story from the land of make believe. I’m so good at that I think I’ll tell y’all one.
Once upon a time in a land far far away there was this really dumb girl named Winter. Winter had dreams of making it big doing puppet shows in LA. She jumped at every opportunity to use her hands and mouth while working the crowds and trying to live out her dream and one day hoped to win a puppet award. But somewhere along he way things weren’t what the seemed. The money wasn’t steady, so she decided to do group puppet sessions.
Now, normally when you’re doing group puppet sessions, you have to show paperwork to make sure your puppet has all its strings in order. Puppets can infect other puppets if they’re not careful and Winter knew this all too well.
Winter’s puppet had contracted a puppet disease that wasn’t deadly, but wasn’t curable. It was called puppet puss. So one day, Winter, and three others got together to put on a puppet show, but they didn’t use puppet covers and they didn’t exchange puppet tests. Winter also didn’t tell them her puppet had puppet puss, thus exposing the other puppets to this incurable disease. Winter then went on a puppet show spree, exposing up to 14 other puppets to puppet puss. One has to wonder why… money? stupidy? both? Who knows?
As time went on, Winter sold her puppet to a new puppet master. This puppet master was hated throughout that land. He was one of those bitch made puppets – the ones afraid of other puppet shadows but pretend they’re the toughest puppet on the block. His name was Bob. Anyway, this Bob guy pulled the strings on his puppet, made her do things she wouldn’t normally do.
Possibly the puppet puss was driving him insane – he would often lie for attention, attack people on top of the puppet game, sometimes he would even deliver puppet drugs to make extra buck. When he wasn’t delivering puppet drugs, he was writing bad checks, and making a complete ass of himself. Once he even called a guys cell phone, leaving a message blaming his best friend for some DMs and asking this guy if they could be friends.
So with the puppet and puppet masters finances in ruin, they decided to file a legal action against one of the mightiest puppets in all the land. And guess what they accused him of? Nope. They accused him of not telling Winter about a disease he had, a disease that all puppets knew he had, a disease her puppet agent should have told her about when booking the puppet show. I know, but this is the land of make believe, remember. Anyway, this is just a story. Its not like I COULD PROVE it…
I’m not one to stir up trouble. I’m a sweet guy who just wants to look at porn-star bush and practice the iron claw on unsuspecting porn chicks.
I’m working on the perfect ending to this story, possibly even my own PBS show…
I wish my parents looked like that.
Iron Claw only works if you have a fingerless black leather glove on.