The internet and technology have totally changed sex and relationships, we know you — you adults, anyway, this column is not for children! — have questions about the world of sex. In order to answer them, we’ve asked our friend Stoya — a professional sex-haver — to field any inquiries. You can write to her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
My inbox is a phallocentric xxx parody of Goldilocks: this person wants to hear that their penis is excessively big, this one is worried their penis is too small, this one doesn’t understand why their “average” appendage isn’t a magical rod that inflicts convulsions of pleasure with every thrust, and these other six and counting want to know what size is just right.
“My question concerns penis size. Indeed, I am very concerned about mine. I have a 7.5-inch penis in erection with 5.9 inches in girth. I would like to know if I am below average, average, or above average.” -Y
First, put the ruler down. Second, if you wanted, you could have easily used a web search to find pages of studies on penile dimensions. This leads me to suspect that what you’re really after is hearing a porn star say your penis is large, and I’m withholding that — because you can also use a web search to find pages of videos in which porn stars say exactly that, directly into the camera, specifically for the purpose of fulfilling that desire.