Can Porn Stars Stay Faithful?

Jul 18, 2015
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Heide Benser/Corbis

Heide Benser/Corbis

Can Porn Stars Stay Faithful?

When your job is getting paid to have sex, lines become blurred between the professional and the personal. And for porn stars, it can be tough to maintain a monogamous relationship.

My civilian boyfriend at the time knew I was a porn star, something I was always very upfront about before ever getting involved. In my personal life, I’ve always felt monogamous. I get attached, become overly loyal, slightly possessive, and only have eyes for my significant other. We were in a committed relationship, I didn’t want to date other people, and I certainly didn’t want him to. We never discussed my work in too much detail, and it was never a problem until he came across one of my most recent scenes online.

From everything I’d described my boyfriend imagined me in a make-up chair, a set filled with lights, crewmembers, a director calling action, and awkward movie sex. While those shoots do exist, not every shoot is a major production. This particular scene was POV, just me and the site owner in his home studio, and like always I gave the performance I was paid to give. Acting or not, it was a little too real for my boyfriend. To him, it felt like cheating.

At the time, I’d been in porn too long to see his point. I was desensitized to the conflicts my job created having primarily dated within the industry. I’ve never been a cheater; I don’t believe in it, and I’d leave a relationship before I ever cheated. Yet to my non-industry boyfriend my work made me one.

Porn stars handle monogamy differently than most. Even though going to work means having sex with various partners, porn stars in committed relationships often consider those monogamous. Paid sex counts as work, so any sexual encounters on the job shouldn’t count. Not emotionally, anyway.

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