Probably the most intriguing feature of the new generation iPhone is its fingerprint authentication. Once recognized by the system, only the true user’s fingerprint will unlock the phone, rendering it impossible for anyone else operate.
However, registering a fingerprint has its drawbacks. Someone can easily press the phone against your finger while you sleep and have access to all your secrets. If you want maximum security, we recommend using your toe or nipple. They really work!
A toe is basically a finger on your foot so it stands to reason that the iPhone can detect a toe print as well. The phone detects your toe easily and anytime you need to use it. It works better than the finger because even when you’re sleeping who’s going to expect you to unlock your iPhone with your toe?
Granted, unlocking your phone with your toe can be inconvenient for some when on the go. If that’s the case for you, we recommend registering your nipples with the iPhone. Be careful though, the iPhone vibrates a little when registering which may be uncomfortable or arousing depending who you are.
It unlocks really fast by just casually and ever so gently pressing the device against your chest. As we know, nipples are like snowflakes in their individuality but is the iPhone good enough to distinguish one teat from the next? Our reporter Hatori GO registered his nipple and then asked a co-worker to try and unlock it.
After getting released from central booking, he decided to ask a male co-worker to try unlocking the iPhone with his nipple instead. Sure enough, foreign areolas could not bypass the iPhone’s solid security system.
All in all, the nipple seems like the best way to go. It’s conveniently located and very secure. We also attempted to register the tip of the nose with the system but it wouldn’t take. That would have been convenient if you had to access your phone with one hand!
It kind of makes you wonder though: was the phone designed with nipples and toes in mind, and what other body parts would work?