It appears ol’ Peta Jensen and Veronica Rodriguez went on quite the crime spree at AEE this year. This here’s the details I done heard from my top secret source that none of y’all have access to.
On Friday night after all attendees left AVN, Veronica Rodriguez lead by Peta Jensen vandalized Digital Playground’s booth with spray paint. The two pornstars covered all the Digital Playground branding with “#TEAMZZ.”
I hear they also put lipstick on a Tommy Pistol mirror hanging in the restroom.
And, as if that weren’t enough, they also broke into Keiran Lee’s room and cut the tag off of his mattress. The real kicker is they stole the complimentary bar of soap that is somehow paid for by every single person working in the industry as well as the fans. You should all be outraged.
My source at a library tells me they were spotted checking out a book called “How To Commit Crimes.”
Got a Google Alert that a warrant was issued for Peta for deflating the footballs before last weeks NFC Championship game. Received another Google Alert that Veronica has a warrant out for using her feminine wiles to get a McDonald’s employee to give her an extra honey mustard sauce to go with her McNuggets.
I am 95% sure they stole a car from a popular and successful director and courtesy of a traffic cam that director received a speeding ticket. I can feel it in my brittle bones that nobody will believe that director when he goes to traffic court because of his driving record.
I even hear they stole someone’s monogrammed hat but I can’t confirm that.
They were about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal. I spoke to 17 different lawyers and they all agree based on Ron Jeremy’s sworn and notarized statement on the back of a receipt from Carnegie Deli that they may be looking at some serious time.
Now I attend industry events fairly regularly, and if I had been there I would have put a stop to it as the bastion of integrity that I am.
I’m hearin’ Bat Boy isn’t too happy. Things aint gonna end well…
Someone should label this “How to imitate a hillbilly 101” because it sure seems done in his style…
Come on, guys. You are way better than this obnoxious puff piece.