So, okay — you’ve nailed a few things about having sex down to an art. You know how to move your hips, you’ve likely made at least one woman (we hope) orgasm and you can get the job done with your hand if you’re in need. But while your 20s are full of one night stands, bad experiences and some pretty incredible ones, by the time you get to the big 3-0, women everywhere are livin’ on a prayer that you up your sex game for the next decade.
Straight from your future wife’s heart to the expert advice of sex therapists, here are the nine things you should know how to do in the bedroom before you turn 30:
How to put your partner’s pleasure before your own.
Chances are you’ve known how to make yourself ejaculate since you first discovered masturbation (TRPWL DOESN’T MASTURBATE) as a teenager. While many women do explore early, it often takes much (much!) longer for women to reach the grand finale. To be a caring, loving and passionate lover, it’s important that you don’t finish too fast and ruin the experience for her. “There’s a bigger pay off to you when you put her pleasure before yours. It shows that you are not only a considerate lover but many women interpret it as an overall sensitivity and statement about your respect for her,” relationship and sex therapist Dr. Kat Van Kirk says. “Learn to enjoy the sensation of making out and foreplay to make sure that you develop a more inclusive definition of sex.”
How to go down on a woman… effectively.
We’re not sure who started the rumor that to make a woman orgasm you simply draw the alphabet with your tongue down there, but we’re here to call bulls***. “Many younger men get intimated by oral sex and don’t learn to fully enjoy it,” Dr. Kirk says. “As you approach 30, you should have had enough practice to learn how to relax into it and watch her response so that you’ll — and she’ll — get more out of it.” If you need a little tutorial, Dr. Kirk says to not focus entirely on the head of the clitoris: “The clitoris is actually wishbone shaped and runs down either side of the vagina under the labia. Learn to lick, suck and tease the labia minora and majora,” she says. “Also give some attention to the area that surrounds the clitoris. Many women find direct clitoral stimulation too much for them.”
How to stay faithful to one woman, and enjoy great sex over time.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with experimenting and casual sex when you’re dating and looking for the right partner. But there also comes a time when you realize that settling in with one person isn’t settling; rather, it’ll create the hottest foundation for some of the best sex of your life — instead of quick fixes that don’t last. If you’re worried about keeping the heat alive, that’s actually a good sign, and means you’ll put effort into making your sex life exciting. “Research says that keeping things spontaneous tends to help keep people together longer,” Dr. Kirk says. “Learning to be vulnerable with your partner about how you feel and what turns you on can help you both feel more invested and satisfied in your relationship over time as well.”