Rick Madrid Goes Missing, Twitter Stock Goes on 4 Month Slide

Mar 10, 2015
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rick madrid

My job as the non-gay non-Jew leader of the Gay Jew mafia sometimes entails me putting 2 and 2 together to come up with 4. Unlike the lesser sites, I don’t need to make up ridiculous stories about Hillary Clinton and AVN in some sad ‘I’m no longer relevant’ way of getting a few linkbacks and maybe a reader not named M Harris.

Early this morning, one of my sources at the Kremlin reached out. In between data-mining and sleeping with Diane Duke, he noticed a trend and sent me the following email. I’ve translated it as I’m fluent in not only slang, but Russian as well:

HEY FAGGOT, I ALWAYS WIN POW BOOM BANG

My bad, that was from Donny.

This is the email from my Russian source:

Hello Comrade, I hope this email reaches you before your fantasy baseball draft. I write you in hopes you will locate Dasha Madera, you know him as Rick Madrid. Finding him is vital to the future of mother Russia. Last year Putin decided to invest all of Russia’s money into a stock purchase, he chose Twitter (TWTR). All was well until around November of last year, when the stock price started to fall. After an extensive investigation we came up with the “Rick Madrid Effect.” As of today there are 645,750,000 active registered Twitter users, compare that to when Rick Madrid was actively online, 908,890,103 twitter accounts. When Rick left Twitter so did 263,140,103 accounts belonging to him, this drove down the stock price and bankrupt my country. Please find him.

First thing any award winning journalist does when given a lead is cardio. There’s nothing like trying to use an elliptical machine while you simultaneously check the Alexa rankings for all the porn blogs. But that’s a story for another day.

After some cardio and Boston Legal, I pulled the 6 month Twitter stock numbers and much to my surprise, my anonymous Russian source Nevskoe Tinkoff was right:

6monthtiwtter

The Twitter stock price was doing well back then. When Rick Madrid started deleting his troll accounts the price started to fall. Since Madrid’s been off Twitter the stock has yet to recover.

What if Twitter goes away? Not only will Russia’s economy fail, but they may build another wall and ruin Reagan’s legacy. Not only that, but no Twitter means no more random hairy vagina shots. I can’t have this.

WE MUST FIND THIS MAN

rick madrid

 

  He was last seen in this dumpster behind the Burbank airport.

dumpster Conductor

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crunkleschwitz
crunkleschwitz
5 years ago

I don’t know, man. Elliptical machine work out, and you claim you aren’t gay? You better tell me you hop on one in the back row and spend yer time eyeballing some hot, yoga pants clad, bimbo hindquarters.

Anyway, If Rick is off the grid, there can only be one of two reasons for it, he couldn’t pay his cellphone bill or he is residing in an institution of some sort. If he was dead, we would have heard about it.

crunkleschwitz
crunkleschwitz
5 years ago
Reply to  TRPWL

All the scantily clad pussy running around at AVN probably helped keep the gay at bay.

When I wasn’t a lazy middle aged slob, I always went with the air rower for cardio. I liked the working/stretching the back aspect of it.

I haven’t purchased a piece of exercise equipment from a store since I got some concrete weights when I was 13. Craigslist is the best market place for such things. Barely used equipment for pennies on the retail dollar.

a concerned citizen
a concerned citizen
5 years ago

He was last seen in this dumpster behind the Burbank airport….allegedly

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