Not every net stalker starts off as a bad person. But to truly understand these tards one needs to start at the beginning. Using ancestry.com I was able to trace bitch boy Rodger’s roots back to his parents…
Rodger was born to a loving couple many years ago.
The Coghills were just like any other family at the time. They were a loving bunch. Soon little Rodger was born. The family rejoiced and loved baby Rodger. They wanted to make sure he had every opportunity they could afford him. When he was four, his older cousins Rufus and Cletus (pictured below) offered to take care of him while his parents took jobs at the Pabst blue ribbon brewery.
Things were great at first. Rodger learned to pick the Banjo, even landing a small role in a movie being shot in his hometown:
He was paid $6.44 for his role and some say it was the financial blessing that started him on his downward spiral. The family began to squabble over the fortune, Cletus claimed he taught young Rodger how to pick the banjo and therefore was entitled to half.
Finally a settlement was reached giving $4.00 to Rodger’s parents who promptly retired. Rufus took the other $2.44 for lawyer fees. Turns out he had seen a episode of Perry Mason and was now licensed in Rodger’s home town.
Watching his family squabble over his fortune turned a once lovable banjo picking tard into a rough and rugged redneck.
After his parents died, he took what was left of their $4.00 fortune and bought a small place with his new bride. Fathering a child and settling into their new lives as the rich people on the block was hard.
Neighbors say they always had a “we’re better then you” attitude, which was blamed solely on their wealth. They boy who they named Rancid Crabtree Coghill was so spoiled he never left the bathroom. He was even allowed to eat there. Rancid is pictured below enjoying the finer things in life:
Soon the pressure of the rich was too much. First, Rodger caught his wife cheating with his lawyer cousin Rufus. Then, Rodger’s beloved pet was killed (pictured below). This wasn’t just a pet. Rodger had this pet since childhood. I’ve found countless pictures of them in bed cuddling – Rodger feeding it and letting it slurp his face. It’s safe to say that the cheating and the dead pet pushed him over the edge.
The divorce was painful. He lost what was left of his $4.00. His son Rancid refused to speak to him and his ex wound up marrying his cousin who was also her lawyer. Rodger was so distraught over losing everything he decided he needed a new look. Feeling like he had nothing, he joined a local club and began a new chapter.
It was at these club meetings were Rodger Coghill learned to cook. Some say he made the tastiest vittles since the union folded. Cooking for his club brothers would change his life forever.
Tomorrow, Rodger needs to feel loved…